Before I joined Mom in the family kitchen, my husband Simon, our daughter Sienna and I lived full time on a sailboat. We sailed for eight years. When we set off, Sienna was just three and a half.
We spent that first year sailing around the Mediterranean. The Med can be rough in winter, so most sailors pick a marina and hunker down for five or six months. We wintered in Marina di Ragusa, Sicily. That winter there were more than 200 boats and 15 nationalities, and only a handful of Americans.
Our marina family celebrated every holiday we could find, even ones we'd never heard of. So when November came around, the few of us Americans got together and decided to throw a Thanksgiving.
Really, it was a Friendsgiving.
The people who ran the marina restaurant let us use it for the whole day. They even tracked down the turkeys and cooked them for us. I honestly don't know where we'd have found a turkey in Sicily without them. We Americans made sure there was stuffing and cranberries. Everyone else brought a dish to pass.
And oh, those dishes. It was a true potluck, full of weird and wonderful side dishes from all over the world. I couldn't have told you what half of them were called, and every one of them tasted amazing.
Loads of people turned up. Before the big day, Sienna and I sat down with a stack of construction paper. We made the body of a big turkey and cut out lots of paper feathers. At the party, we put the feathers on the tables and asked everyone to write down what they were thankful for, then pin their feather on the turkey.
By the end of the night, that turkey was covered in gratitude, written by people from all over the world.
It was the most beautiful piece of art. I wish I'd saved a picture (the image you see is thanks to AI).
It was something special to share a holiday that's so American with so many other nationalities. Everyone there was a friend. It was a day I'll always cherish, and it taught me what Friendsgiving is really about.
So let's talk about where Friendsgiving came from, how people celebrate it now, and how to be a wonderful guest or host this year.
How Friendsgiving got started
The idea is old, but the word is pretty new. People have shared Thanksgiving with friends for as long as there's been a Thanksgiving. Plenty of the folks at that very first harvest feast were a long way from family too.
- The first "Friendsgiving" on record. According to Merriam-Webster, the first written use of the word comes from December 4, 2007. Someone in an online group called "Friends of the Friendless" posted, "Happy Friendsgiving Y'all!" It popped up on Twitter around the same time. People were probably saying it out loud before anyone wrote it down.
- Sorry, Friends fans. Lots of people credit the TV show Friends with inventing Friendsgiving. The gang had plenty of memorable Thanksgiving episodes, but the word "Friendsgiving" was never actually used on the show. The spirit was there, though!
- How it went mainstream. The word really caught on after Baileys Irish Cream used it in a national ad campaign in 2011. By 2013, online searches for "Friendsgiving" had taken off. In 2020, Merriam-Webster added it to the dictionary, so it's official now.
Friendsgiving started as a stand-in for people who couldn't make it home for the holiday. For a lot of us, it has become a tradition all its own.
Why Friendsgiving matters
Friendsgiving is about the family you choose. It's for people who live too far from home to travel, for college students and new transplants, and for anyone who simply wants one more reason to gather.
It's also a little more relaxed than the big family dinner. Nobody's grading the gravy. You can use paper plates, mix up the menu, and hold it on whatever day works. Plenty of offices hold one too, as a potluck lunch before everyone heads home for the holiday.
Most of all, Friendsgiving is a way of showing up for each other. I've written before about how a thoughtful gesture is its own kind of language. Opening your door, or bringing a dish to someone else's table, says "I'm glad you're in my life" without any fuss.
How people celebrate Friendsgiving
The best part about a made-up holiday is that there are no rules. Here's how a lot of people do it.
When to hold it. Most Friendsgivings land on a weekend in the weeks before Thanksgiving, so nobody has to choose between friends and family. If your group is scattered, the weekend after works just as well, and there are plenty of leftovers to go around.
Make it a potluck. This is how we did it in Sicily, and I think it's the heart of Friendsgiving. The host covers the main dish and everyone else brings something to pass. One tip: start a simple sign-up list. Otherwise you'll end up with five bags of dinner rolls and no dessert. (Ask me how I know.)
Play with the menu. Turkey is wonderful, but it isn't required. Some groups do a taco bar, a breakfast-for-dinner spread, or a soup night. Soup is a great Friendsgiving dish. A slow cooker full of it is easy to carry, stays warm for hours, and feeds a crowd. Set out some crusty bread and a few toppings and people will help themselves.
Make a gratitude turkey. This is the tradition Sienna and I started in Sicily, and it's easy to copy:
- Cut a big turkey body out of brown construction paper or poster board.
- Cut out lots of feathers in fall colors, more than you think you'll need.
- Set the feathers and a few pens on the table.
- Ask each guest to write what they're thankful for on a feather.
- Pin or tape the feathers onto the turkey as the evening goes on.
Kids love helping make it, and grown-ups love reading it. Don't forget to take a picture! Learn from my mistake.
Other ideas to try:
- Go around the table and share one thing you're grateful for this year.
- Take a group photo before everyone digs in.
- Ask each guest to add a song to a shared playlist.
- Play a board game or card game after dinner while the pie settles.
Make everyone feel welcome. Put a small card next to each dish with its name and main ingredients. It helps friends with allergies or special diets fill their plates without worrying. And keep a few nice drinks on hand for anyone who doesn't drink alcohol.
A guest's guide: don't show up empty-handed
Hosting a Friendsgiving is a lot of work. Even with a potluck, someone is cleaning the house, finding enough chairs and washing every dish afterward. A small thank-you gift goes a long way.
A bottle of wine is the classic host gift, and there's nothing wrong with it. But if you want something a little more thoughtful, here are a few ideas:
- Something for later. After weeks of planning and cooking, your host won't want to cook again for a while. A soup mix is perfect here. It doesn't add clutter, and it gives them an easy, cozy dinner on a night they're too tired to think about cooking. Our Left Over Soup Gift Set (includes Turkey Noodle) and Pantry Staple Soups Gift Set were made for exactly this.
- Something for the table. Fall napkins, a candle, or a little jar of a spice blend they can use all season.
- Your time. Offer to come early and help set up, or stay late and help with the dishes. Many hosts would choose this over any gift.
- Take-home containers. Bring a stack of to-go containers so the leftovers can be shared and nobody has to give up their good Tupperware.
I've written more about why gifts that feed people are some of the most meaningful ones you can give. Read: The Best Gifts Are the Ones That Feed the Soul
Say thank you afterward. A short note or text the next day means a lot. Here are a few to borrow:
- "Thank you for opening your home to all of us. It felt like family."
- "Last night was exactly what I needed. Thank you for the food, the laughs, and the company."
- "I'm so grateful for friends like you. Same time next year?"
From the boat to the family kitchen
These days we've traded the boat for dry land and a kitchen full of soup mixes. I work alongside Mom now, Simon is our Master Mixer, and Sienna pitches in too. The feeling from that marina restaurant has stayed with me, though. Food tastes better when it's shared, and the best tables have room for everyone.
Here's one more idea, for the day after. Don't throw out that turkey carcass. Simmer it with water, an onion, a carrot, and a stalk of celery for a few hours, then strain it. Now you have homemade turkey broth, and that's the perfect base for a pot of soup. All of our soup mixes cook up in broth or stock, so your Friendsgiving leftovers can become one more cozy meal.
The turkey in the laundry room
After our Friendsgiving in Sicily, the paper turkey found a new home on the wall of the marina laundry room, where all the boaties did their washing. It stayed there for years, covered in thank-yous in different handwriting from all over the world. Every time I carried a load of laundry past it, I smiled.
That's what I hope you'll take from this. Friendsgiving doesn't need a fancy table, a perfect turkey or a lot of people who share the same traditions. It just needs a few friends and something warm to pass around. Whoever gathers at your table this year, I hope it feels like family.
Happy Friendsgiving from all of us at Souper Spices. If you make a gratitude turkey, we'd love to see it. Please tag us!
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